The Odd Couple
by Gandalfs apprentice
Summary: Drabbles about Legolas and Gimli. Adult. Warning: Slash. WINNER BEST CROSSCULTURAL FLF: Alas, for the dying of the trees: First Place Hair: Honorable Mention.
1. Hair

Hair

Legolas had never seen so much hair on inappropriate body parts in his long Elven life. Four pairs of hairy feet and four beards assaulted him at every meal. It was enough to kill his appetite, even after hours of walking.

On the other hand, the tough curls did keep the Hobbits' feet warm, and beards protected faces from the relentless wind.

But when Gimli changed his tunic for a warmer one, Legolas saw the wiry, russet hair did not stop at the Dwarf's chin. The thick pelt coated Gimli's neck, chest, belly…Elbereth, did it go as far as _that_?


	2. Envy

Envy

_Elves are strange folk,_ Gimli thought, _and this one's like a dandelion in a dragon's den._ Narrowing his eyes underneath his bushy brows, he watched the Elf surreptitiously, waiting for a repeat of the strange gesture.

All too soon, as the Elf crossed the Dwarf's path yet again, Legolas drew a vigorous X across his chest with one elegant hand, and tugged on his chin, smooth as a baby's behind, with the other.

_By Durin's axe, he's mad_. Gimli caught Gandalf's glance. A mischievous twinkle lit up the wizard's eye.

"Pay no mind, my good Dwarf," Gandalf said in a low voice. "It's the thirteenth day of the month, and Thranduil's folk believe it brings them good luck on this day to cross a Dwarf's path and themselves at the same time. The chin cupping is to honor your kind."

Snorting, Gimli stroked his luxuriant whiskers. _Beard envy—of course._


	3. Unexpected

Unexpected

As Galadriel drifted by, Legolas watched the Dwarf's every move. Between the shaggy eyebrows and the beard sprouting on his stout cheeks, Gimli's eyes smoldered with a wolfish hunger.

_Disgusting! _ Legolas fumed. _A Dwarf dares to lust after a lady of the Eldar! That insolent, axe-wielding runt! That stunted spawn of Durin! That walking beard!_

A couple joined in passionate debauchery assaulted his mind's eye: _Battle-scarred fingers fondled pearly Elven skin, muscular arms seized smooth Elven hips, whiskered lips pressed soft mouth, silky tongue licked quivering nipples, powerful loins parted willing flesh..._

The Elf in Gimli's arms was not Galadriel.


	4. A Taste of Honey

A Taste of Honey

Straddling the Elf's muscular chest, the Dwarf propped the small pot between his thick legs and pulled the stopper out. He ran one finger around the gooey rim and licked up the golden sweet. Some drops stuck in his beard.

He dipped the finger again into the sticky, tawny mass. "Open up."

Obediently, Legolas parted his lips. Gimli plunged his finger into the velvety pink opening and Legolas closed his mouth around it. Ecstasy suffused his face as he sucked delicious honey off the writhing organ inside him. Slowly Gimli pulled his finger out.

Legolas sighed deeply. "Do that again."


	5. Differences

Differences

"Now that you're getting along so well," Pippin said, "I'd like to know what the trouble was all about."

Frodo said, "Don't stir things up."

Merry groaned. "You might as well ask him not to be Pip."

Aragorn said, "This question has befuddled the Wise for all the ages of this world. I'd like to hear an answer."

"And I," said Boromir.

Sam's eager eyes joined the inquiry.

What could be seen of Gimli's face between brows and beard turned deep red. Legolas got that otherwordly look that meant he was in some private Elvish place, and sang a few words in his tongue.

"Well?" said Pippin.

Gimli cleared his throat. "Elves are insufferable, arrogant cheats. Legolas is different."

Legolas stopped singing. "Dwarves are miserable, stingy gold diggers. Gimli is different."

The others waited. The silence dragged on.

Pippin sighed. "I guess the Wise will have to wait another age."


	6. Secrets

Secrets

In triumph Gimli held up the sparkling vial for his friends to see. In the torchlight of the Glittering Caves, the golden tresses in their crystal embrace radiated like living beings.

"It's beautiful, Gimli," breathed Sam. "I never would of thought you could make anything good enough. The Lady of Lórien was so lovely! Not even Rosie could match her."

Cupping the crystal in reverent hands, Gimli thought of the Elf who had inspired his masterpiece. He raised his eyes and winked at Legolas, who stood in silent, elegant nonchalance, his face carefully aloof.

The golden hair was not Galadriel's.


	7. Alas for the dying of the trees

"Alas, for the dying of the trees"

Sometimes Gimli wished he had never learned Sindarin.

True, the books on Elven crafts betrayed secrets of wondrous skills that eluded even the finest Dwarven smiths.

And the luminous Elven music melded with the meaning of the poetry like gold and _mithril_ intertwined.

But now, favoring his gouty foot, chafing his arthritic hands against the cold, and keenly aware that his beard matched the color of the snow, he feared the penalty was again come due: Legolas was gazing sorrowfully at the leafless trees.

"Spare me, Elf," he grumbled, "another endless lament whining about the sad passage of the years."


End file.
